Farm to Family Column: A Farmer’s Questions for Santa

By Curt Arens

Northeast Nebraska News Agency

December 16, 2007

DearFriends,

Ourlittle ones are impatiently awaiting the coming of Santa Claus, that jolly oldelf that descended from the tradition of St. Nicholas of Myra. Reading throughClement Moore's famous poem, "T'was the Night Before Christmas", ormore accurately, "A Visit from St. Nick", I was struck by manyquestions that perhaps only farmers might ask of Santa.

Ourchildren worry about minor details like how reindeer fly, how Santa makes itdown the chimney, when there is no chimney, and how he can eat cookies at everyhouse and not explode by the end of the night. These are just paltry detailsthat I really don't stress out about. As a farmer, I have much more importantstuff to consider about Santa's Christmas Eve run.

Whatdoes he feed those reindeer as he travels around the world and where does hestop to feed them? My cows can't go two hours without bellowing out for foodand pushing through my barbed wire fence in the Winter time. How does Santa getaway with chasing those reindeer a few thousand miles, flying of all things,around the world, without feeding them extra, besides the few carrots we alwaysleave by his milk and cookies? My guess, looking at Santa, is that he chowsdown on the carrots too, and leaves his reindeer to starve.

Howabout watering those things? They aren't big animals, but my cows will drinkour water tank dry several times over. Reindeer have to drink. I have thisvision of Santa stopping by a big lake somewhere, getting out his ax andchopping a big hole in the ice so Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid,Donner and Blitzen, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and LeRoy the Red-NeckedReindeer can take a break and water down, just like we have to chop the ice outof our waterers or water tank when it gets really cold.

Whatif one of the reindeer stumbles as they land that big heavy sleigh on therooftops or trips over a frozen cow pie or cornstalk if they have to land in afield somewhere? I wonder if any of our local veterinarians on call overChristmas Eve have ever gotten a call from Santa to come look at a reindeerthat came up lame. Santa knows everything and has a pretty big network going,so the local vets are probably on Santa's cell phone speed dial, just in case.I know the vets won't talk about it, but I'd be surprised if some of themhaven't made a midnight rooftop or field call that is "off therecord".

Ialso wonder how that sleigh can handle jet streams, turbulent weather and roughlanding. Does Santa carry a portable generator and welder, just in case one ofthe runners breaks? I'm sure, like any good farmer, he has his pliers, ducttape and baling wire in his tool box, alongside a good set of wrenches, acrescent wrench and probably a good vice-grip.

MaybeSanta handles everything in-house. Perhaps he takes a few elves along with himon the trip, you know, as experts to take care of the reindeer, in case ofbreakdowns, or to drive the sleigh so he can catch a little snooze during thelong distance ride.

Iguess we'll never know for sure, but if I ever see him, I might take a littletime to ask Santa a few of these questions that I know all farmers wonderabout.

Hopeyou have a good week and a blessed, Merry Christmas.